Friday, June 18, 2010

I typically avoid writing much on here, if anything at all, because I think it often comes off as (and let's be honest, just is) self-indulgent. but I'm going to momentarily break this trend - likely only to later delete this post in a fit of self-censorship, self-consciousness, and some other kind of self-indulgence - because I've had a crappy year and am making (an attempt at) a sort of transition. so I'd like to document this.

it was a god damn miracle that I got through this year without dropping out of my graduate program. by miracle, though, I mean it wasn't a miracle at all, since I find most transitions too anathema to my (admittedly misguided) sensibilities to warrant any deviation from such momentum as being a graduate student. to sum it up, though: after two years in the program I confirmed certain reservations I'd had in the beginning - without going into too much detail, it involves something about methodological differences, which I suspect are actually more about personal gripes. I also made a series of bad choices that I had thought were smart choices at the time (isn't that how it always is?), rooted in some nonsense about saving money or refusing to commit to, well, anything (all the while finding myself committed anyway), which led to several bouts of homelessness. things got lost, fights were had. and some kind of insomnia, anxiety, or crazy tout court, masquerading as a heart condition made me afraid of the dark and living alone, leading me to hope that I could anticipate and prevent all bad things by taking my temperature and checking the weather. but I continued to turn in my papers and sat in an office with a motion-sensor light that turned off unless I stupidly waived my hands around every so often. all of this culminated in a bizarre and startling moment when a rat-like dog with sharp teeth flew at me while I walked down the street and took a chunk out of my leg - no scratch that, it all culminated in a cold, sweaty moment on Tuesday, when the mixture of antibiotics and car sickness led me to leave a puddle of peculiarly metalic-tasting puke on the side of the road somewhere in the middle of Iowa (oh please let that have been my needed catharsis). the truth is, though, the worst part of all of it was the fact that on Monday I said more goodbyes than my heart could handle. one should really never say more than one goodbye in a day.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

may

beach fossils - st
broken social scene - forgiveness rock record
cocorosie - grey oceans
damien jurado - saint bartlett
foals - total life forever
future islands - in evening air
holy fuck - latin
jeremy jay - splash
konntinent - opal island
LCD soundsystem - this is happening
phosphorescent - here's to taking it easy
sleigh bells - treats
thee oh sees - warm slime
the black keys - brothers
the depreciation guild - spirit youth
the fall - your future our clutter
the joy formidable - a balloon called moaning
the new pornographers - together
under byen - alt er tabt

disappointing: the national - high violet